E-text prepared by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
()
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 147
September 16, 1914.
CHARIVARIA.
"Our future lies upon the water," once boasted the Kaiser. "And ourpresent lies in it," as the German soldier remarked when the Belgiansopened the dykes near Antwerp.
The mass of the German people would seem to be extraordinarilyill-informed in regard to the War and to stand sadly in need ofenlightenment in some respects. For example, their ebullitions of rageagainst everyone and everything English shows that they are ignorant ofthe fact that we are a decadent nation and a negligible quantity in theWar.
Many of the little scraps in which the Germans were reported by theirPress to have been victorious now turn out to have been merely scraps ofpaper.
According to The Times one of the first acts of the new Pope will beto urge the Powers at war to desist from hostilities in the interests ofhumanity. It is rumoured that Austria-Hungary thinks this a capitalidea.
Our readers will, we are sure, be sorry to hear that the lady who, asreported in our pages the week before last, in the course of adifference with her husband, called him "a bloomin' Oolan," has onceagain had words with him. This time, the husband complains, she shoutedafter him, "You 'Un!"
An appeal has been made for magazines for the men at the front. Thefollowing extract from a letter touches on the subject:—"On Wednesdayheavy German cavalry charged us with drawn sabres, and we only had aminute to prepare to receive them. We left our entrenchments and,rallying in groups, emptied our magazines into them as they drew near."
We regret to hear that, owing to so many persons failing to go out ofTown this year, there is considerable distress among London burglars.The oldest among them do not remember a duller season.
A dear old lady writes to say that she is delighted to hear that theCrystal Palace has been taken over by the Admiralty, as she loves theplace, and it is so brittle.
Another dear old thing suggests that, in order to facilitate the work ofthe police, all spies should be compelled to wear a distinctive dress.
With the object of benefiting the local branch of the National ReliefFund there has been published at Brighton the first number of a papercalled The Ally. Our contemporary, Ally Sloper, has generouslydecided in the circumstances to take no proceedings with a view toprotecting its title.
"Why," asks a lady, "should not waitresses take the place of the Germanwaiters whose services are now being dispensed with?" Possibly we may bewrong, but we seem to remember once having seen an announcement on theplacard of a feminist journal to the effect that:—
CAN NOT
WAIT.
Lord Rosebery, speaking the other day at Broxburn, said that defeat forus would not mean foreign tax-gatherers in the country. We are glad ofthis. It would be deplorable if the tax-gatherer were ever to become anunpopular figure with us.
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