Transcriber's Note:
This etext was produced from the 1962 book publication of the story.Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the copyright onthis publication was renewed.
Minor spelling and typographical errors have been corrected withoutnote.
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"Mark Phillips" is, or are, two writers: Randall Garrett and LaurenceM. Janifer. Their joint pen-name, derived from their middle names(Philip and Mark), was coined soon after their original meeting, at ascience-fiction convention. Both men were drunk at the time, whichexplains a good deal, and only one has ever sobered up. A matter forconstant contention between the collaborators is which one.
They have been collaborating for some time now, and have devised aninteresting method of work: Mr. Garrett handles the verbs, theadverbs and the interjections, Mr. Janifer the nouns, pronouns, andadjectives. Conjunctions are a matter of joint decision, and in thecase of a tie, the entire game is replayed at Fenway Park, Boston,early in the following year.
BRAIN TWISTER was fifteen years in the making, of which time threedays were spent in the actual writing. When the book was finished,both authors relaxed in the mutual pleasure of nervous breakdowns,from which it is not certain that either has ever recovered.
Mr. Garrett is a large, roundish fellow with a beard. He wearsflowered vests and always carries a small talisman which no one hasever seen. Mr. Janifer is a somewhat shorter and thinner type, with ashorter and thinner beard. His vests are in solid colors, he wearshorn-rimmed glasses because he has always done so, and he is neverfound without a souvenir subway token from the City of New York.
The personal lives of the authors differ widely. Mr. Garrett'shobbies, for instance, include such sports as close-order drill andriver pollution. Mr. Janifer, a less active type, prefers sedentarygames such as humming or blinking.
Mr. Garrett is engaged to an exotically beautiful creature, and thetwo plan to be married as soon as they run out of excuses. Mr.Janifer, on the other hand, is fascinated by women, and hopes some dayto meet one.
Brain Twister
Mark Phillips
A shorter version of this work appeared in Astounding
Science Fiction under the title of That Sweet Little
Old Lady.
Prologue
In nineteen-fourteen, it was enemy aliens.
In nineteen-thirty, it was Wobblies.
In nineteen-fifty-seven, it was fellow-travelers.
And, in nineteen seventy-one, Kenneth J. Malone rolled wearily out ofbed wondering what the hell it was going to be now.
One thing, he told himself, was absolutely certain: it was going to beterrible. It always was.
He managed to stand up, although he was swaying slightly when hewalked across the room to the mirror for his usual morning look athimself. He didn't much like staring at his own face, first thing inthe morning, but then, he told himself, it was part of the toughening-up process every FBI agent had to go through. You had to learn tostand up and take it when things got rough, he reminded himself. Heblinked and looked into the mirror.
His image blinked back.
He tried a smile. It looked pretty horrible, he thought—but, then,the mirror had a slight ripple in it, and the ripple distorte